I have been a "Christian" for nearly 50 years - or maybe it's only been 12 years - I am not really sure which. It's a scary thought. I walked down the aisle of a Baptist church when I was 12 years old and "gave my life" to Christ. I believed in God and knew that Jesus Christ was the way to God. However, I was usually too embarrassed to identify myself as a Christian. Besides, Christianity never really worked for me. It never helped me feel close to God; it never helped me overcome my social awkwardness when I was young; and, it never controlled my bad habits when I was older. In reality, about the only thing "Christianity" did for me was to make me feel that I could not measure up to being a good Christian.
Three events in my life always stuck with me. The first word I ever spoke was "God," which was what my Mother kept repeating over and over to me when I was an infant. When I was two years old - before seat belts - I fell out of a car going 50 miles an hour; I guess I should have died. When I was a teenager, I almost fell off of a mountain - it was literally a matter of one or two inches between life and a 1,000 foot drop off a cliff. Because of those events, I always thought that God was going to do something with my life but I didn't know what. The older I got, the more that idea faded - until God began to speak to me - not in an audible voice, but in His spiritual voice, the one that every Christian can hear.
I was married for 20 years and have two daughters. My daughters, and now my one granddaughter, are my heart; but the marriage itself failed. Right about then, as I was sinking to the lowest point in my life, I said to God, "I don't think I know you anymore - I'm not sure I ever did - Christianity has been a total failure for me." Then I asked God, "Would you start over with me? I will believe what you tell me this time."
God answered that prayer. However, to my amazement, the "Christianity" He taught me did not resemble what I had been taught in church all my life. This time, though, it was different. Life did not get easier all of a sudden, it actually got much harder in many ways. But slowly, things that I read in the Bible became clear - crystal clear. I began to understand many of the things that denominations have been debating for centuries. I knew that this was not from me; I had tried to understand the Bible my whole life but ended up totally confused.
I began to detect something else that was different - there was something alive inside of me; I had never known that feeling before. This is why I do not know if I have been "saved" for 50 years or for 12 years - but I know that I am now.
This entire website was written with only a Bible and the frequent prayer, "Lord, open my eyes to your truth." No commentaries or other aides were ever used. That is why I know that God's truth is available to every single Christian in the world. The Word of God is not understood by any ability of our human mind or our motivation to study; it is comprehended at the spiritual level as God opens up His truth to us.
John 16:13a But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all truth;
"A few years ago my oldest daughter, then 17, lived a "Gothic" lifestyle where she always dressed in black. She was unhappy and had only a few friends who viewed the world as she did. One day she took a handful of acetaminophen, the common over-the-counter pain reliever. This drug is particularly dangerous when taken in high doses because of its risk of toxicity to the liver. She was admitted to the hospital and, upon doing the routine battery of tests, it was determined that she was also pregnant. The overdose was shocking enough - but then to find out that she was pregnant - and that the baby might be in danger.
That night, as I lay in my bed, I experienced the worst night of my life. An overwhelming sense of dread and hopelessness came over me like I had never experienced before - there was intense anxiety and depression. My soul was deeply troubled. There was no good outcome that was ever going to come of this. What if the medication caused serious damage to my daughter ... to the baby ... what if the baby was deformed, or died? This was terrible and it was not going to get better.
Later that night, I also began to have a sense of peace deep within and a feeling that everything was going to be all right. It was like I knew it was going to be all right but I did not know how I knew it. I misinterpreted the "feeling" at first. I thought that I was being insensitive to the situation. Maybe I did not care that much and just wanted the pain to go away.
Then, I realized that I was experiencing the transcending peace of the Lord in my spirit. As the moments passed and the Lord made me realize what He was doing, I knew that everything was going to be just fine with my daughter and the baby.
As it turned out, the level of acetaminophen crept near the toxic level ... right up to the line ... but never went into the danger zone. The baby was going to be safe! A few days later God pulled my daughter out of the kingdom of darkness and brought her into His kingdom of light - she became a believer in Christ Jesus. During her pregnancy, her entire countenance changed; she cut her hair and began wearing different clothes. Most people did not believe it was the same person. I now have a wonderful 8-year-old granddaughter who is full of joy and who loves to jump up and down on my bed - she is my "best buddy" and I am her "Pappa." I have a daughter whose life was changed from despair to hope. She is now studying to be a nurse. The sense of dread that night was in my soul; the "feelings" of peace and hope were the Lord letting me know in my spirit that He would turn a tragic night into a miracle ... and He did."
I pray this website changes your life so that you will know what the grace of God did for you through the Cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Your sins are already forgiven and forgotten, and, as a believer, you have a clean heart. You are righteous in your spirit because Jesus lives in you. Your mortal body, your human self, is still dead because of sin; that is why you live by faith. Instead of trying to live the Christian life through your own self effort, follow Christ in faith. Christianity is all about righteousness, not sin, or self-effort, or external rules and law. It is internal - God wrote His laws on your heart and it is Christ in you who will live His righteous life out through you.
